Off Book - Ankeen on Smut, Romance, and Why Men Should Read It

genredpodcast
Dec 11, 2025
6 min read

Updated: Dec 17, 2025

This week on Genre’d: Off Book, Elyse and Katy welcome their forever friend Ankeen to talk about the genre that raised them all: romance (with a generous side of smut).

From sneaking Harlequins out of the library at age ten to rereading Montana Sky every time she needs a comfort book, Ankeen walks us through how romance hooked her early, why she took a long detour into philosophy, and what brought her back to smutty romance books as an adult.

We dig into the big misconceptions about romance — that it’s frivolous, shallow, “just sex scenes” — and contrast that with the reality: deeply human stories about intimacy, communication, and connection… that also happen to have bathtub logistics and confusing chair sex to dissect along the way.

If you’ve ever wondered:

what makes a “gateway” romance vs full-throttle smut,
why some tropes feel like a warm blanket and others are an instant DNF, or
why men should absolutely be reading “books for girls,”

this Off Book episode is for you.

Meet our guest: Ankeen (romance lover, massage therapist, witchy queen)

Before we get to the book talk: who is this delightfully unique person?

How we know her: Elyse and Ankeen met in 2008 working together at a Starbucks on Lower Newbury Street in Boston and have basically been glued together ever since. When Katy came along as “the sister,” they just expanded the circle.
What she does now:
- Licensed massage therapist based in Brooklyn
- Specializes in lymphatic drainage, cupping therapy, and Ayurvedic face massage
- Works out of Uncle Nat’s in Flatbush — a queer and fat-positive laser and body-hair salon — as well as her own home studio
- Also works at Enchantments, the oldest occult shop in NYC, where she helps create custom-carved candles, incenses, and oils

You can find her at @ankeen.rose.wellness on Instagram to book a massage, ask about lymphatic drainage, or grab something witchy.

How smutty romance made her a reader

Like a lot of us, Ankeen’s love story with romance started way too young in the library. She used to max out her summer checkout limit with stacks of Harlequin romance novels, absolutely filthy and absolutely formative. No one stopped her. No one blinked. And a tiny romance goblin was born.

Her first “grown-up” romance that wasn’t just a quick Harlequin? Nora Roberts’ Montana Sky — a book she still rereads to this day, in its original battered paperback and on her Kindle. It’s her comfort book:

Grumpy Montana ranch setting
Three half-sisters forced to live together for a year to inherit their father’s land
Inheritance-will clause trope, family drama, and murder
Structured by the seasons, so you feel the ranch changing with time

It’s also the book she’d use to introduce someone to romance, because Nora Roberts manages to write sex scenes that feel sexy and graceful without being graphic to the point of distraction. You know what’s happening, you feel the tension, but you’re not trying to mentally reverse-engineer an impossible chair position while everyone is allegedly in a bathtub.

From “frivolous” to fully alive: what romance really gives us

We spend a big chunk of this episode unpacking the genre’s biggest misconception:

“Romance is frivolous.”

Is it escapist? Absolutely. Is it for pleasure? Yes. But so is all fiction.

When romance is well written, it isn’t just a string of sex scenes. It’s:

a coherent story with character arcs,
real emotional stakes, and
a context that teaches you something: ranch life, whiskey distilleries, hockey, law, small-town politics, you name it.

As Elyse points out, half the random trivia living rent-free in our brains comes from romance novels:

Read a book set in a whiskey distillery? Suddenly you understand barrel aging.
Following a lawyer protagonist? Somehow you’re convinced you could argue tax law.
Binging hockey romance? You feel like you understand the sport despite never watching a game.

Romance’s predictability — the beats, the happily ever after (or happy for now) — lets you relax into the story while the context keeps it fresh.

For Ankeen, romance also expands the way she thinks about intimacy: not just sex, but emotional closeness, communication, and what it means to really “touch the inside of someone” and let them touch the inside of you.

Why men should be reading romance (yes, especially “books for girls”)

We also go on a delightful tangent about why men should absolutely be reading romance and romantasy.

If you want to understand:

how women imagine emotional safety,
what support looks like, and
why so many readers are feral over fictional men with wings…

pick up a romance written by a woman.

It’s usually not the magic (dragons, fae, wings) that makes those male characters beloved. It’s how they:

support the heroine’s ambitions,
communicate (even if they start out grumpy and emotionally stunted), and
respect her autonomy while loving her fiercely.

Romance is basically an idealized communication textbook disguised as a dragon-filled fantasy or a smutty billionaire romance. Reading it doesn’t mean you have to become a fictional fae warrior—it just gives you a blueprint for better emotional literacy in real life.

Comfort tropes, hard no’s, and why some books are instant DNFs

We also get into the fun part: tropes. Where does Ankeen feel cozy, and where will she launch a book directly into the DNF pile?

Tropes she loves

Brother’s best friend / forbidden romance
- She has three brothers, so obviously this hits very close to home in the best way.
Sexy professions
- Doctors and firefighters are top tier. Billionaires? Meh. She’d rather see a female billionaire seducing the young carpenter.
Found family & community
- Rock-band romances, hockey teams, tight-knit friend groups — she loves series where each book follows a different member of the “crew.”

One series she raves about is the Dirty series by Jane Diamond (Dirty Like Me, Dirty Like Seth, etc.):

Follows a rock band called Dirty and their extended community
Every book centers a different band member or friend
Uses a buffet of tropes:
- fake dating
- hidden/secret marriage
- boss/employee
- brother’s best friend
- a bi MMC who eventually finds a throuple that actually works for him
And yes: the sex is unapologetically dirty and very fun.

She also loves a good hockey romance series and some delightfully smutty settings like an exclusive sex club in London (shoutout to the Alchemy series), especially when women are in positions of power and exploring kink on their own terms.

Tropes she cannot stand

High-school sweethearts reconnecting 10+ years later
- If they broke up at 17 and are now back in their small hometown, she’s out. “I am not the person I was in high school. Why would I still be in love with the boy I dated then?”
College main characters
- As adults reading about college-aged characters, we all feel the same: you are too young and too dramatic for this to be your forever love. Dragons are more believable.
Surprise pregnancy as the main plot device
- When a one-night stand or mid-book nausea becomes the entire reason for the romance? No thanks.
Adults who cannot communicate at all
- If everyone is allegedly in their thirties but behaves like they’ve never had a real conversation, it’s an automatic DNF.

She has zero problem putting a book down a few chapters in if the relationship feels unearned, if the stakes feel off, or if all the red flags are being ignored for vibes.

Romance, philosophy, and becoming more human

One of the most fascinating parts of the conversation is how philosophy fits into all of this.

After her teen romance era, Ankeen pivoted hard into:

Jean-Paul Sartre (Nausea, which she first read in French),
Nietzsche (especially his essays on free thinkers — she even has a tattoo inspired by his writing), and
Sufi poets like Chamsid-e Tabrizi, whose ideas about love mirror what she seeks in human connection.

For years, she mostly read philosophical texts and books about the human body for her massage work. Coming back to romance now feels like weaving those threads together:

Philosophy asks: What does it mean to exist, to love, to be free?
Romance asks: Okay, but how does that actually look inside a relationship, a body, a friendship, a messy family?

If she had to pick a reading diet for the rest of her life, it would be a mix of:

Romance novels (for intimacy, story, and emotional exploration), and
Philosophy & bodywork texts (for thinking deeply about humanity and the physical self).

Where to find and support Ankeen

If you fell in love with Ankeen during this episode (you will), here’s where to find her IRL and online:

Instagram: @ankeen.rose.wellness
Massage & bodywork:
- Lymphatic drainage
- Cupping therapy
- Ayurvedic face massage
Locations:
- Uncle Nat’s in Flatbush, Brooklyn — a queer and fat-positive laser and body-hair salon
- Her home studio in Brooklyn
Occult & witchy things:
- Enchantments in NYC — custom-carved candles, oils, incenses, and all your witchcraft-adjacent needs

Reach out on Instagram to get direct links to book with her, follow her, or snag a custom candle that your dad will obsessively monitor while it burns (true story in the episode).